By Leslie Senevey
My relationship with summer is complicated. I like the basic idea of it. Abundant sunshine, a more leisurely pace, vacations, and longer days — what’s not to love? But summer and I don’t always get along. What it boils down to (literally) is the heat.
I am a born-and-bred Texan and have lived here all my life, but I hate the heat. You’d think I might have adapted by now, but I’m about as amenable to summer temps as a 7-11 Slurpee in a sauna. You know the Parker Posey line from The White Lotus, “I just don’t think, at this age, I’m meant to live an uncomfortable life?” My version goes something like, “I just don’t think, at any age, I’m meant to live an overheated life.”
It doesn’t help that my face goes rogue when the thermometer goes above 80-something.
You can literally read my cheeks like a mood ring, except that my cheeks only display one color when I’m hot: a very specific hue somewhere between the red of Taylor Swift’s lipstick and the hot pink of everything Barbie. It might sound girly and kind of cute, but it actually skews more emergency warning than feminine fun.
Growing up here, it was hard to avoid being out in the heat if I wanted to, you know, have a life. Running free range around the neighborhood as was the norm in a Gen X childhood, I stopped at every sprinkler, said yes to every Popsicle on offer. I’d accept Six Flags invitations, but the only parts I actually enjoyed were stuffing myself with frozen Pink Things, getting drenched on the Log Ride, and cruising in the Spelunker’s Cave (not because it was our version of the Tunnel of Love, where you hid away to make out with your eighth-grade sweetheart, although bonus!) but because it was dark and damp and about 40 degrees cooler than outside in the park.
Back when we thought of sunscreen as holding your hand above your eyes as a bit of shade, we used to lie out in nothing but bikinis and baby oil, sometimes with an aluminum reflector mat to help us scoop up every single splash of sun. I was way more interested in fitting in and hanging with my friends than I was in actually honoring my own aversion to being a human baked potato. So I remember feeling equal parts revolted and relieved once when we had to scurry inside after catching a neighbor boy spying on our sunbathing session through the fence.
I was lucky enough to grow up with a swimming pool in my backyard, but at a certain point each summer, it became more bathtub than blissful oasis. Between the hot tub-like environment in the pool and the surface of the sun vibe out, I would end up wet either way. Staying inside was the safe bet for staying dry, although it was sometimes impossible to avoid the heat even while indoors. Not everywhere was air-conditioned. (And yes, the automobile was invented before I was born.)
I clearly remember fighting to sit in front of a fan in unair-conditioned Paschal High School classrooms. Never mind, you couldn’t hear a word the teacher said if you managed to score one of the coveted seats. It was a fair trade-off for the gift of a bit of breeze.
I still have strategies for staying cool. In hotel rooms, I go straight to the thermostat and set it to Arctic Blast. Outdoor weddings? I’ll send a gift. July 4th celebrations? I’m probably opting out. Hot yoga? Hard pass.
So here we are in the dog days of summer, and I guess it makes sense that all I want to do is sit, stay, and roll over until the temps start to drop. I know I’m supposed to be celebrating the great outdoors and relishing the longer days to enjoy them, but there will be no baking like a potato or sweating like a Slurpee for me. In fact, forget the dog metaphor. I’m more like a bear hibernating in reverse. I’ll happily hunker in my indoor cave, then emerge, blinking, pale and unperspiring into the muted light of winter — or at least late fall.
So yes, while I enjoy the idea of the season, I’m not into the actuality. Abundant sunshine or not, you’ll find me indoors, A/C blasting, iced tea at the ready, doggedly trying to stay cool. I guess you could call it my own reluctant version of a perpetually hot girl summer.